Drinking on the 16th Street Mall

  So let me give you a rundown on a night out on the town in the 16th street mall. It was just me and the boys, and we figure we'll start at the Yardhouse.  20 dollars later, and only 2 beers deep we leave.  Awe how cute, it's a balloon maker, and he's making a poodle for a little girl.  Wait, a poodle?  This guy must be a clown college dropout.  Let's go checkout Coyote Ugly.  Alright, they got a couple of drink specials, cool.  We grab a drink, chill out for a minute, look around, and the only girls in the bar, are the two bartenders.  And what's with all the cowboys?
  Let's leave Coyote Ugly.
  So we go downstairs and walk around the welfare daycare center that is the Pavilions, cross the street to the next bar, The Paramount Cafe.  Cool, they got Fishbowl drink specials!  Drinks that come in a fishbowl? Shit, I'll take two.  After my first one, the cougar at the bar is looking pretty good.  We play a game of pool, and after my second fishbowl, the cougar at the bar is looking REAL good. So I walk up to her, as I think she's alone, and right before I can approach her her, her gigantic boyfriend sits right next to her.
  I'll take another fishbowl please!
  After the 3rd fishbowl we decide to cruise to the next bar.  On the way I light up a cigarette, and within seconds, a bum asks for one.
  No I don't have a cigarette.
  We go into the Appaloosa bar, and a pretty funky band is playing called Big Wheel.  What's that? Oh you have drink specials, I'll take two shots, and a beer. AND you'd better give me a food menu.  We order the wings and eat them like they are the first wings we've ever had.  As we head out the door we notice a little break dance action going down in the bar. OK, we leave.
  Walking down 16th now, no I'm sorry, I don't have any change.
  I'm gonna grab a water from 7eleven, and the nice gentleman, clearly homeless, opens the door for me.
  No I don't have any change.
  I grab a water and leave.
  Then we notice a couple of jugalos, I believe they're called, playing hackysack.  No harm, but what is that on that chicks neck? Is that a cat?  NO! Don't tell me that's .......that's a RAT.
  We begin to walk faster.
  No, I don't have any change.
  We walk into Croc's and grab a seat at the bar.  Pretty cool place, wait, karaoke?
  We walk out of Croc's.
  No I don't have a cigarette.
  We head down to The Pour house, and get some cheap Long islands.
  I step outside for a smoke, and this homeless guy asks me to come over to him.  He begins to give me a whole story of how hard times are and they are, and as I'm waiting to turn him down for change, he asks, "So would there be any way if you could help me out and let me crash at your place?"
  What?!?!?  No you can't stay with me get out of here.
  4 LIT's into it and we are headed back to our home bar, when we see one of the jugalo's playing hackysack, reach out with is leg and it totally clips the free mall ride shuttle.  We are cracking up so hard, my belly begins to hurt.  Oh shit, too much laughing , I sprint to the nearest trash can and AAAGGGHHH.
  Now I feel better.  We see a passed out homeless guy with a box of Cheez it's, and my buddy, not I, I assure you, grabs the box opens it up and farts in it, then closes it.  It was funny, but mean.
  So we decide to try and hail down a cab, and this guy comes up and asks for a cigarette.  I'm drunk so I decided to give him one, then he proceeds to tell me that he's selling "molly" for 10 bucks, apparently that's a steal!  Come on man!  Because that's what I do, I buy drugs from strangers on the 16th street mall, get out of here dude!
  Taking a cab home, I stumble through the doorway, pour a shot for myself, but before i can even take it, I pass out.
  And that's drinking on the 16th street mall, at least for me anyways.