Bears' Rookie JT Thomas: Knight in Shining Armour

  So here is a feel good story, which is rare for NFL football fans to hear about players.  In a time, and age of constantly reading in the headlines about pro players, getting arrested for assault, drugs, and DUI's, this is a story that we need to hear more of. 
  A young 8th grade girl, Joslyn Levell, who has spnia bifida, and is confined to  wheelchair, really wanted to go to her spring dance at her school.  She asked 7 boys to go with her, and they all turned her down.  Obviously she became sad, and wasn't going to attend the dance.  That's when linebacker JT Thomas of the Chicago Bears, who has a little brother with a similar condition, and rides the same bus as Joslyn, decided to step in. 
  JT got on the bus, one day and introduced himself to Joslyn.  Joslyn, being a Bears fan herself, hit it off with Thomas.  She didn't expect what happened next, could ever happen to her in her life.  JT asked Joslyn if she would like to go to the dance with him.  Of course she agreed, and they were beginning to get ready later that week.
  Now, JT called Joslyn's mother to ask what color dress she was going to wear, this way he could color coordinate with her.  JT bought her a corsage, and rented a limo for the dance.  Joslyn was cloud 9!  He danced with her, took pictures with her, and gave her a night that she will never forget.
  Way to go JT Thomas!!  We need more feel good stories, such as these, from the NFL players.  Joslyn will never forget that, and neither will anybody who reads this story.  Thank you for giving back to the community in such a special way.  And how about those boys who said no?  Man, did they miss out on a night with someone really special, Joslyn Levell!

Giambi blasts 3 HR's, Thunder beat Mav's, Some loser accuses Armstrong

  Way to go Jason Giambi!  It's bench play like that, that will help the Rockies win the division.  7 RBI's to go along with it, the Rockies don't win that game if Giambi doesn't play, and Chacin doesn't stirkeout 5 and pitch seven innings, only giving up one run, the Rockies don't win that game.  Good job to the old man, Jason Giambi! Way to go!
  Thank god that the Thunder actually made a series with the Mavs.  After being embarressed by Dirk, the jerk, and putting him to the line 24 times, the Thunder, behind Harden's 23 points, got the job done against Dallas.  That series is tied 1-1.
  Hey, do you remember that kid in high school, who would tattle to the princepal about what he heard you and your buddies did when you ditched that one day?  Yea, that's Tyler Hamilton.  Who's Tyler Hamilton?; you ask yourself.  This little prick, who apparently was Lance Armstrong's teammate in 1999, and 2000, told 60 minutes that he "saw perfromance enhancing drugs, inside Lance Armstrong's fridge."  What?  Why, if it's true, would you wait ten years to say something, and five years after Armstrong's last victory?  What an idiot!!!  Don't read too much into this story!  My battery is dying, I gotta go, Shua out!!

Horst Report's Good, Bad, and Ugly: The NFL

  The Good
   Brian Dawkins and Tim Tebow have been organizing team practices away from the facilities amongst other teams in the NFL.  The players cam continue to practice on their own, even with the lockout continuing.
  The Bad
   Appeals court in St. Louis overruled the players appeal to lift the lockout, mandating a stay for the NFL owners.  Thus putting off further negotiations until the early part of June.
  The Ugly
   As awesome as it was to hear the longer than 3 minute booing of NFL commissioner Roger Goddell, I believe this wasn't a good thing for the fans to do.  Don't wake a sleeping giant.  Yes, I do think that there will be football next year, but Goddell now wants the fans to sweat it out.  Don't expect the first two preseason games to be played, bringing a shortened season, making a stronger statement for the NFL owners to put an 18 game regular season into place for 2012, leaving a 2 game preseason.
   As irritating as this lockout is, it will build the anticipation up, and making the NFL king of pro sports once again.  Like I stated earlier, expect them to start the season late, maybe even taking away games from the regular season. 
   Thanks greedy rich owners, glad you know who is the most important part of your income.

 Sincerely, the fans.
 
   Shua out!!

Rockies bats' come alive behind P Mortensen

  After a team that has yet to reach their potential, the Rockies came after the Giants behind pitcher Clayton Mortensen with a freight train for offense.  They got a much needed win, especially trying to stay in the race for 1st with San Francisco.
  Troy Tulowitzki brought the Rockies within one run in the 5th with a 2 run single up the middle.  That lead to a lead off solo home run by Seth Smith in the bottom of the 6th to tie the game.  Then with 2 outs and 2 on, Carlos Gonzalez came to the plate, and crushed a 3 run home run to break the tie, and helped the Rockies win 7-4.
  Tim Linncecum, who really struggled in the 5th, and 6th innings, gave up the most runs of his career on Monday night at Coors Field.  And on the other side of the mound, the Rockies finally gave some run support for Mortensen, who made his second start of the season, and got his first win last night.  He helped, not just by pitching a strong performance, he helped out with his bat by hitting a single, and later scoring a run.  Mortensen began the season as a call up guy, but being maybe the strongest pitcher behind De la Rosa, and Chacin, don't be surprised to see Mortensen earn a spot on the starting  roster.
  Elsewhere in baseball, the Yankees lost their 5th straight, and Boston came up big in the 8th to put themselves above .500, for the first time this season.  The Indians scored 10 runs in the 4th inning, and went on to win 19-1 over the Royals.
  So if the Rockies can keep giving run support to the starting pitching, expect them to stay in the race for 1st, in a strong National League west.  Shua out!!

Drinking on the 16th Street Mall

  So let me give you a rundown on a night out on the town in the 16th street mall. It was just me and the boys, and we figure we'll start at the Yardhouse.  20 dollars later, and only 2 beers deep we leave.  Awe how cute, it's a balloon maker, and he's making a poodle for a little girl.  Wait, a poodle?  This guy must be a clown college dropout.  Let's go checkout Coyote Ugly.  Alright, they got a couple of drink specials, cool.  We grab a drink, chill out for a minute, look around, and the only girls in the bar, are the two bartenders.  And what's with all the cowboys?
  Let's leave Coyote Ugly.
  So we go downstairs and walk around the welfare daycare center that is the Pavilions, cross the street to the next bar, The Paramount Cafe.  Cool, they got Fishbowl drink specials!  Drinks that come in a fishbowl? Shit, I'll take two.  After my first one, the cougar at the bar is looking pretty good.  We play a game of pool, and after my second fishbowl, the cougar at the bar is looking REAL good. So I walk up to her, as I think she's alone, and right before I can approach her her, her gigantic boyfriend sits right next to her.
  I'll take another fishbowl please!
  After the 3rd fishbowl we decide to cruise to the next bar.  On the way I light up a cigarette, and within seconds, a bum asks for one.
  No I don't have a cigarette.
  We go into the Appaloosa bar, and a pretty funky band is playing called Big Wheel.  What's that? Oh you have drink specials, I'll take two shots, and a beer. AND you'd better give me a food menu.  We order the wings and eat them like they are the first wings we've ever had.  As we head out the door we notice a little break dance action going down in the bar. OK, we leave.
  Walking down 16th now, no I'm sorry, I don't have any change.
  I'm gonna grab a water from 7eleven, and the nice gentleman, clearly homeless, opens the door for me.
  No I don't have any change.
  I grab a water and leave.
  Then we notice a couple of jugalos, I believe they're called, playing hackysack.  No harm, but what is that on that chicks neck? Is that a cat?  NO! Don't tell me that's .......that's a RAT.
  We begin to walk faster.
  No, I don't have any change.
  We walk into Croc's and grab a seat at the bar.  Pretty cool place, wait, karaoke?
  We walk out of Croc's.
  No I don't have a cigarette.
  We head down to The Pour house, and get some cheap Long islands.
  I step outside for a smoke, and this homeless guy asks me to come over to him.  He begins to give me a whole story of how hard times are and they are, and as I'm waiting to turn him down for change, he asks, "So would there be any way if you could help me out and let me crash at your place?"
  What?!?!?  No you can't stay with me get out of here.
  4 LIT's into it and we are headed back to our home bar, when we see one of the jugalo's playing hackysack, reach out with is leg and it totally clips the free mall ride shuttle.  We are cracking up so hard, my belly begins to hurt.  Oh shit, too much laughing , I sprint to the nearest trash can and AAAGGGHHH.
  Now I feel better.  We see a passed out homeless guy with a box of Cheez it's, and my buddy, not I, I assure you, grabs the box opens it up and farts in it, then closes it.  It was funny, but mean.
  So we decide to try and hail down a cab, and this guy comes up and asks for a cigarette.  I'm drunk so I decided to give him one, then he proceeds to tell me that he's selling "molly" for 10 bucks, apparently that's a steal!  Come on man!  Because that's what I do, I buy drugs from strangers on the 16th street mall, get out of here dude!
  Taking a cab home, I stumble through the doorway, pour a shot for myself, but before i can even take it, I pass out.
  And that's drinking on the 16th street mall, at least for me anyways.

Thunder go to Western Finals, Sox sweep Yanks

  Kevin Durant is unbelievable! THERE IT IS!!! KD scored 39 points, had 9 rebounds and 3 blocks as the Thunder finished the back and fourth series with the Memphis Grizzlies. The Grizzlies were definitely the Cinderella story of the NBA playoffs, beating San Antonio in seven games, and taking the Thunder to seven games.  But they just didn't have enough to get past Kevin Durant and the the Thunder on Sunday afternoon.

  In a pathetic display in front of their home crowd, the Yankees got swept by the Boston Red Sox. Most people don't give a damn, but I do, and that was just disgusting baseball the Yankees played. Hey Posada, man up and retire, don't drag this team down, jerk.

  Name the nine professional sports teams (without using the Internet ya dumb ass) that don't end with an "s".

  Wanna cool place to go drink, for not very expensive, and if your smart, after awhile free, Park Tavern. Buy one get one happy hours, AND they give you drink chips as you drink. Save those for the next time, then drink for free.  Just don't forget to tip your bartender, or server, to all you cheapos out there!  Park Tavern, on 11th and Ogden, see ya there.

  Oh and can someone please tell the E channel to knock it off with the Kardashians, nobody cares.
  Jim Bruer(SNL, Half Baked) will be performing at the Comedy works downtown, June 23-25. Tickets start at about 30 bucks but its worth it, especially if your are one of the suckers who went to Chelsea Handler or Charlie Sheen for close to 100 dollars, and got a shitty show.  Get some Jim Bruer tickets, trust me its worth it.
  Shua out!

Bulls cool Down Heat, Rockies lose...again

Derrick Rose and the Bulls got the conference finals underway Sunday in Chicago with a 103-82 win over the self claimed, and super pretentious Heatles. If Lebron James is going to get his ring and try and justify him "taking his talents to South Beach", then he's going to have do a little more than 15 points. Yea, an alright defensive effort, with 6 rebounds, a steal, and 3 blocks. But that won't cut it because the Bulls know how to utilize every player on their team and not just the MVP Rose.

  It was surprising to see Ringo Star, uh, Chris Bosh, I mean, get 30 points, but your two "main" guys on your team are gonna have to do better than their game one performance. (Wade had a real quiet18 points). Watching the game, the Heat just look rattled. They didn't seem to play with confidence, they didn't really seem to trust each other, and that's not championship basketball.

   On the other side of the ball, D-Rose knew the magnitude of this game, took over in the second half, and trusted his teammates to play like the number one seed. Joakim Noah had 14 rebounds, Deng had 21 points, and Boozer finished with 14 points, 9 rebounds.  The Bulls looked more focused, and determined and that is why they came out that game with the series lead 1-0.  I'm not saying that this is going to be a quick series, but the Heat need to play better.

  Note to Jason Hammels, "Hey man sorry we can't get you any run support", sent from the entire Rockies team.  I don't know what it is, but the Rockies just cannot play in the cold.  But they are going to have to if they want to come out of these next two series either staying just behind the Giants, or try moving up to second place.  It is good to see Father Helton crushing the ball like its 2004 again hitting his sixth hoe run of the year.  Now it would just be nice to see the rest of the team trying to get going.  We'll see what they can muster up, because the Giants are coming to town, then its off to Philadelphia.

  Couple of birthday shout outs to give here, my boys Jason Lafferty and Nate Anchetta! Both had Birthdays this weekend, and I hope that they had a great weekend.  Happy Birthday boys, sorry the Rockies couldn't get more wins for ya.  See ya next time on the Horst Report, Shua out!